yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
