You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
