All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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