i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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