so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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