We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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