hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
