she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
