Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
