he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
