I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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