Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
