ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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