the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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