Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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