And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
