God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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