I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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