So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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