Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
