I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
