i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
