there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
