Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
