Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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