im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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