Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
