Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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