Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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