the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
