Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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