I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
