She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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