Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
