I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
