You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
