no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
