I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
