That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
