he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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