im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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