No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
