...so i touched it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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