We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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