We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
