Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
