We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
