Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
