Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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