super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
