Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
