mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
