you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
