if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
