please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
