I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
