Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
